Tuesday, September 25, 2012

** cheese advisory ** don't read this post if you're not drunk **

If it weren't for music, I would've probably killed myself ages ago!

http://soundcloud.com/myfavoriterobot/my-favorite-robot-electronic

Wednesday, June 06, 2012



So, today, right now actually, Venus is transiting the sun. 
This means Venus is between the Earth and the Sun. If it were big enough, or close enough, we'd have a solar eclipse. 

It's an event that happens in pairs, with a 8 year interval between them. The first one happened in June 2004. It will only happen again in December 2117 and December 2125. 

Amazeballs!

Monday, May 21, 2012

the free revolution

If it's fake money, don't pay it back. Don't buy houses, don't own stuff: sell everything and apply for as many credit cards as you can. Spend the money, all that you have and all you don't have. If it's fake money, you're not really stealing anything that hasn't been stolen from you before. And as we say in Portugal: a thief that steals from a thief is granted 100years of pardon. Just enough to live free until you die. 


What's your suggestion of a revolution?




Friday, May 18, 2012



Donna Summer died. So did other 151,599 people whose music you didn't listen to.

Wednesday, May 09, 2012

the myth of sadim


In a time where people became myths there was a King who turned everything he touched into gold. The tale’s dramatic ending served to educate the people about the punishment of the greedy: Midas eventually starved to death on the account of his enviable power.

Modern times are calling out for legends more than ever. In an age where religion no longer controls society, what undeniable truth can we trust?
Advertising. Because advertising shapes our desires, our aspirations, our fears and passions, our lifestyle and moral codes; advertising shapes us.

And like every religion, it needs gods to be worshiped. And creative directors have taken that upon themselves. Some times – or should I say most times – without having performed any better miracle than sucking up to the right people or being in the right place at the right time.

Occasionally it happens that a CD or a team of them - advertising is obviously a polytheist religion – can also perform amazing miracles, capable of bewildering everything and everyone around them. Not always in a good way.

Today, I’ll recount the fabulous tale of Sadim, a god that turned everything he touched shit – to be exact, Sadim was a collective of gods and demi-gods that functioned like ants in a colony, blindly following the power-pheromone, all trying to become the queen. But, for the sake of argument, they’ll be considered as one entity, a god made of ants who turned all he touched into shit.
‘Sadim’ is simply ‘Midas’ spilled backwards, even though both tales will probably have similar endings as men are equally incapable of surviving on shit as they are on gold.

One day, Sadim was woken from his slumber. "Who dares interrupt my sleep, I was dreaming of the French Riviera, stages and red carpets, gold awards and glass flutes filled with champagne?" He steps outside to see what the rumble is about. And there is it. A shinny fist-size rock. “It’s pure gold” someone said. And they all stared in awe for they had actually never seen gold before.

“What should we do with it?”

“A statue”, some shouted. “A cup, as thick as an elephant’s penis”, others suggested. “Jewellery, never goes old”, said the old, and the young frowned. “What if we glue the gold rock to the sky and use it as a sun?”, two pitched. “Everyone could see it and love it and share it.”

“Good idea” said Sadim. He reached for the rock, a massive 24carats, 25-kilos piece of pure stunning gold to do the throwing himself. “I shall be worshipped as the god of light until the end of times”, he thought. But, as soon as he touched it, the golden rock turned into a pile of putrid faeces, slimy and smelly. And as he threw it high in the air, the shit spread and everyone in Sadim’s Olympus was covered, head to toe, with the light-brown hue of a sick baby’s diarrhea. 

Thursday, May 03, 2012

sorria, você está a ser filmado


Com o correr dos acontecimentos mundiais e o estado francamente deprimente da sociedade hoje em dia, há poucos motivos para sorrir sem ter que tapar os olhos, ouvidos e boca. O que é notoriamente impossível dado que deus só nos deu quatro patas e perdemos duas quando decidimos evoluir para homus erectus. A menos claro que isto já estivesse nos planos do omni-master-of-the-universe, que é para precisarmos de contratar criancinhas miseráveis de lágrima no olho e latinha na mão, vindas da India ou do Bangladesh - África já é meio demodé - a 70cêntimos por dia. E é porque somos justos, porque 70c é o que se paga para elas trabalharem nas minas, que é um trabalho muitos mais duro e consequentemente mais bem pago, mas enfim, somos bons cristãos e cidadãos, por isso vamos fechar os olhos, que assim como assim já estão tapados, não faz diferença.
Livra, mais valia sermos bestas, ignorantes e felizes, preocupados em catar a pulga do vizinho ou cruzar com a fêmea alfa  - nesse aspecto, talvez não tenhamos evoluído assim tanto!

Wednesday, February 22, 2012

WHY #1

Why can't men get over playing with balls?
Seriously guys, whether you're compensating touching your own with other sorts or just pretending to be cool and young-at-heart when you're clearly not, it's silly. Ridiculous, even. I mean, grow up.

Can you please get excited by something more... intelectual? Please??
Pfff....

Saturday, February 18, 2012

relatively speaking

In the middle of the mountains where he lives, a boy finds a shell. He has never seen anything quite as beautiful. It’s shaped after the half-moon, he thinks. And it’s got the rainbow inside, a whole rainbow just for him. He clings on to it hard.
For years, he carries it with him, every day, around his neck, touching it ever so often just to check he hasn’t lost his lucky charm. He feels blessed by god or the gods, he’s not sure how, being only one god, he can handle being alone in heaven and not be sad. So he’d rather picture god surrounded by god friends, all working in a commune like the people from his village, sharing chores.
The boy grows as the mountainous jungle he calls home shrinks, burnt down, cut up, swallowed by the city people. They are so close he can smell them. He wonders how they look. Are they like the monkeys in the trees? Are they like the gods in the sky? Are they like him?
One day, the village becomes the outskirts of the city and now everyone has polyester as the cotton rots in the fields. Every one needs a job to buy things they can actually do but they don’t because some else has done for them. So the boy leaves his mountain with a tear in his eye, a pregnant wife in his hand and a magic shell around his neck. In the diesel train, they sit through the night in hard wood benches. They can hear the music from the restaurant car but they can’t afford to dance to it, like the bleached people with gold hair and sky eyes, from faraway lands. She sleeps with her head on his shoulder as he looks through the window in angst. It’s dark outside. As dark as his soul. He reaches once again for the shell around his neck. He rubs it, maybe hoping a genie will pop out though he’s never heard Aladin’s story.
It’s hard to say when he fell asleep or how long he slept. His wife is helping herself with a handful of rice from the plastic bag they brought. He takes some too. In silence. They can’t afford to talk either, words are too dear nowadays, even simple mountain-people know that. In silence, they watch the train enter a jungle of walls with electricity cables lianas, iron and smoke entangling them. The trains whistles. And chokes. And stops.
Two days and two nights has the boy, who’s not a boy anymore but a man, a full grown man with a family he can’t support because his mountain was claimed by the city people, two days and two nights has the man with a shell around his neck walked the streets of the greatest city of them all. Was there a jungle here before, he wonders. But he’s just a simple peasant with no education, he can’t afford to wonder, he hasn’t got the right words to structure this thoughts by for they are new thoughts, new feelings, new fears. The rice is almost finished. A little over 2 handfuls left, all for his wife for she is pregnant and walking for two must entitle her to eat for two, so there’s none for him. He needs a job. Desperately. He reaches again to his protecting shell and rubs it again with the unrealistic hope that makes men carry on when there’s just void ahead.
On the rise of the third day, exhausted, starving, the mountain man, holding his mountain wife’s hand, arrives at a beach. Except he can’t call it a beach because no one in his village has ever seen one, or the ocean, or sand, but we know it’s a beach and if we could speak his dialect we could tell him all about how his country has the most amazing beaches in the world. But he wouldn’t know what a country is either, so we’d have to go about explaining so many things it is better to leave it all alone and just stare at his gazing eyes.
His wife sits on the sand searching for lost rice in her empty bag. Women tend to be more pragmatic, especially when they’re pregnant, they can’t afford to be overwhelmed by the infinity of the ocean or the whiteness of the sand. The man with a magic shell, he keeps walking, like Johnny, even though he’s never tried whiskey before. The day will come when in sits with all the other middle aged workers from the factory, after work downing litre after litre of it, not Johnny’s but home made whiskey. For now, his feet sink into the sand and he pulls them out, one after the other as walking for the first time. He’s running already, his last reserves of energy, for there is more water that any man could drink but he’s so thirsty he sincerely believes he can drink it all in one going. He spits it immediately. It’s salty. It’s fucking salty, you sarcastic god, maybe he is alone in heaven after all and mocks us, his imaginary friends, am I your fucking joker god, is that why you created me and my wife, to have some fun?
Then, suddenly, looking back at the beach, he sees it: thousands of shells, millions, just like his, perfect little half-moons with rainbows inside, sitting there, flirting with the surf.
His is no way special. It’s just another shell. And he, he’s just another human being, another side damage everyone seems very comfortable ignoring.
And so, there is nothing else to cling on to.  

Thursday, January 05, 2012

Manifesto Anti-Crise

Meu querido amigo, que estás deprimido,

Desliga as televisões.
Deita fora os jornais.
Cala os rádios.
Corta a internet.
E morreu-se a crise.

Na realidade, pouco mudou.
O sol nasce todos os dias a leste e põe-se a oeste.
A luz de Lisboa continua a ser das mais mágicas do mundo.
As vielas e bairros góticos do Porto continuam a inspirar poemas.
O Atlântico continua a trazer o seu verde esperança às nossas praias todos os dias.
O vinho ainda é bom e barato.
O pão ainda é estaladiço.
O chouriço ainda sabe ao mesmo.
O tomate tem sabor.
O queijo ainda derrete.

Cospe a propaganda que os media te dão a comer.
Que interessa já não possas comprar todas aquelas coisas que nunca vais usar?
Coisas são só coisas.
Coisas que vão acabar no lixo um dia.
Como as nossas vidas.
Um iPad vale uma depressão?
Uma mossa num carro vale bater na mulher?

Sejamos razoáveis.
Na realidade, o que é que importa?
Sentes-te vazios porque não tens o último plasma da Sony?
Pois aquela velhota do Rés-do-Chão sente-se vazia porque ninguém quer saber se ela está viva ou não.
Fala com ela.
Bebe-lhe a experiência, que ela um dia foi nova como tu.
E foi feliz sem telemóvel.

Correr é de graça.
Dançar é de graça.
Passear na rua é de graça.
Rir é de graça.

Um manguito aos filhos-da-puta que te querem deprimir negando-te um crédito à habitação.
Quantas pessoas cabem no palácio de belém?
Então porque é que só lá está aquela ameixa decrépita se o palácio é nosso?
Quantas pessoas podem viajar no avião que o Primeiro Ministro freta?
Com o nosso dinheiro?
Por isso bardamerda com não haver luzes de Natal.
Ponhamo-las nós nas árvores.
Pirateemos electricidade como se fazia nos anos 80 nos bairros de lata ao lado da minha casa.
Boicotemos os impostos.
Escrevamos no rabo não pagamos.
E não paguemos.

Que o consumismo é invenção desses países nórdicos onde as pessoas são tão frias como os dias.
Nós não.
Nós damos 2 beijinhos.
Nós abraçamos os amigos que não vemos há algum tempo.
Nós choramos no cinema.
Nós somos de verdade e eles querem matar-nos o espírito com consolas.
Metam-nas no cú.
Que nós queremos as nossas crianças a brincar na rua.
Porque é isso que fará delas adultos felizes.

Usemos a cabeça para mais que o shampôo anti-caspa que o Ronaldo anuncia.
As empresas precisam mais de nós do que nós delas.
Cortam-vos o salário?
Cortem o vosso horário.
Estágios não remunerados?
Trabalhar de graça nem os escravos, que ao menos davam-lhes comida e casa.

A minha dignidade não está à venda, muito obrigada.

Se termos escolha entre o patife e o gatuno é democracia,
Então escolhamos anarquia.
Que os governos servem para nos servir.
Não o contrário.

Pode parecer um lugar comum o que digo.
Mas façam o que vos peço.
Desliguem as televisões.
Deitem fora os jornais.
Calem os rádios.
Cortem a internet.
Reclamem o que é vosso.
Reclamem a vossa vida de volta.

Tuesday, December 13, 2011

vou ter tantas saudades tuas...

... já tenho.

Que desperdício de amor....
Gostava tanto que as coisas fossem diferentes.

Wednesday, December 07, 2011

then the world flips and you can't do a handstand.

Funny how some people weren't made to be powerful. How, for some, being on top doesn't really cut it. But you're too insecure to admite it. You don't want to seem weak before your woman. Plus, you need the extra cash. And you think you're ambitious.

So you become a prick to get it. Betray your friends. The opposition now opposes you for you are in charge. And you become paranoid because you realise how bad of a leader you are, in fact.

But it's too late... You've given your spine away. And you're just slimy goo stuck under real people's shoes.
Pity on you.

Friday, October 07, 2011

the silver cord

Today I dreamt of you. I could still feel your smell and it's been so long.
Where are you? How did I ever let you go, just like that?

Thursday, October 06, 2011

you too shall die

Everyone must die. Another evidence that blind equality is not necessarily good. Or that, in fact, justice is fallacious, the universe doesn't know the word, what do you mean justice? The bad linger and the good go, you say. But who decides who's good and who's bad? On what grounds should this be a consequence of that? Based on whose morale? Mine?

Dali was right. Geniuses shouldn't die, the future of mankind depends on them. And if it is true, Steve, that death is renovation, a way to get rid of the old to make room for the new, what happens when the old are still strong and new and new are too corrupted and old-spirited?

Where did all your thoughts go now that you're not here? Where happens to all we have felt, all our memories, hopes and dreams when we are no more? Gone? Forever?

Wednesday, August 17, 2011

cheiro a relva cortada

Havia aquela magnifica campanha da BBDO para o BPP - quando este ainda um banco activo e até respeitável, isto é, tanto quanto é possível um banco para podres de ricos ser... - aquela campanha que ainda toda a gente certamente se lembra, a página dupla no Expresso, um livro aberto com textos inteligentes, cativantes e insightful sobre o dinheiro (e, claro, direcções de arte que garantiam pelo menos um prémio por ano!). E houve um ano em que, no âmbito dessa campanha, diversas figuras notáveis do nosso país escreveram crónicas sobre o dinheiro. Sobre a sua relação com o dinheiro.

E esta é a minha.

Suponho que toda a gente no mundo, ricos e pobres, tenha uma relação de amor-ódio com o dinheiro. Eu, já de mim bipolar por natureza, tenho-a ainda mais. Desdenho-o, mas sou despesista. Odeio o capitalismo mas alimento-o com o meu trabalho. Renego esta falácia social em que vivemos mas rebolo nela como porquinho no chiqueiro. E sempre que me pergunto porquê penso que a única coisa que eu precisava para me ver livre do dinheiro de uma vez por todas era  ter dinheiro para isso. O que não é, nunca, possível.

É como o cheiro a relva cortada. Delicioso. Mas espesso, deixa o ar coleante, e atraí aqueles mosquitinhos irritantes à brava, que nem picam nem nos deixam em paz. Aqueles que pairam grealmente sobre bosta fresca. É assim a minha relação com o dinheiro. Cheiroso mas sempre acompanhado por parasitas de dissonância e azares que deixam a alma pegajosa.

O meu metabolismo financeiro é uma merda. Como o genético, de resto. Há pessoas que comem desenfreadamente e não engordam. Nem um graminha. Elas é gelados, rebuçados, folhados e panados. Eu, olho para uma maçã e já engordei, ainda nem lhe senti o cheiro. Era de plástico, isso não vale, xiça! Pessoas gastam e vão e vêem e, sem esforço algum, têm-no sempre, ele chega de taxi, perfumado e engomado, prontinho para correr a comprar mais umas amendôas de felicidade. Eu não sei. Sempre que começo a fazer um pézinho de meia, vem um estado sedento de dinheiro que deve e diz, ah, lembras-te daquele IRS de há 4 anos atrás? Pois é, passa para cá 2000 euricos, a ver se gostas.

Adoro.

ela era uma vadia

as pessoas são muito más a serem boas mas muito boas a julgar os outros pela sua malvadez.

Quando o calor aperta ou as frequentes tempestades tropicais atacam de manhã, ou simplesmente, quando o espírito da preguiça possuí o meu corpo, tenho que vir no taxi a ouvir os detestáveis programas de rádio de Singapura. O de hoje era particularmente repelente.

São três locutores a falar um singlish bem acentuado. São três, dois homens e uma mulher. São três retardados sociais, com a mania que são vedetas. Sem ponta de graça. Mas com muita autoridade moral para julgar. Falam como se a sua missão na vida fosse educar os singapurianos a distinguir entre o bem e o mal.

A história de hoje era a de uma mulher que tinha apanhado herpes genital. Ela estava a processar a pessoa que a tinha contagiado em tribunal. Por danos físicos. E morais. E sociais, ou qualquer coisa do género, que o herpes tinha destruído a sua relação com o seu marido. Alegava que a pessoa que lhe tinha passado o herpes sabia-o e não a avisou.

Ok, teve azar, espera-se apenas que a história não com SIDA em vez de herpes - como a SIDA também foi banida de Singapura, como as pastilhas elásticas, é tabu e ninguém fala dela. É, por isso, possível, que, para contar a história, na rádio nacional, os locutores adaptem HIV para herpes. Tem H, é mais ou menos a mesma coisa.

E depois deu-se o fenómeno fantástico de começarem, pela voz da mulher, quem mais, a destruir a da história. Que ela era uma vádia, porque teve relações extraconjugais. Que ela teve o que mereceu. Que ela tem é muita sorte do marido não a ter deixado, cornudo, coitado, isso não se faz, quenga, galdéria, inadmissível!

BOF.

Sabéis vós, por ventura, que estáis em Singapura, um país onde ir às putas é, mais do que legal, um sinal de prosperidade de homens de negócios, que podem ter em casa mas comem fora porque podem pagar. Mas claro que é errado comida comer. Onde já se viu, de repente, a gazela atrás do leão. O rato apanhar a cobra. O peixe atacar o tubarão. Imagine-se. Mas isto é o quê, uma sociedade equalitária?


Tuesday, April 19, 2011

r2


I bow before you.
I fall on my knees,
head on the floor,
arms stretched forward,
hands open,
palms facing the heavens,
and I beg you
I plea
Please please please
Make it worth it.

I bitch not because I think I’m right all the time
But because I want to be wrong
I want you to be different
To change
to validate me
my love
my effort
cannot be in vain,
please.

Please pick me up
Glue my heart
Mend my life
Make me right
By proving I am wrong
Right now
Please.

Cry
Beg
Fight
Pray
Just please,
A sign
Any sign
You care at all

 I can’t talk anymore
Repeat what I’ve said a million times
Because every time I do
And every time you listen
Still
Nodding
passive
I believe in us a little less
until there’s nothing.

Are we there yet?
Am I there yet?

It’s everything.
One by one,
all the answers seem to be gone.
What have I done?
Where have I driven myself?
What to I feel? 
What to do next?
Where to go?
Who to trust?
Who to love?

I am a roadkill.
One by one,
Arrows of disappointment pierce me
And my passion for living flows away,
Leaving my heart empty
My soul drained
My will crushed
Paaaaaa
There’s nothing else to be sucked out of me.
Nothing.

You are no more.
One by one,
The reasons that made me believe we made sense
Together
Are being scrapped away
Erased
And I fear there are none now.

Am I pushing us beyond the reasonable?
Was I wrong about being wrong?

Monday, April 11, 2011

r

mãos de ansiedade estrangulam-me.
dedos de dúvidas espetam as unhas na minha jugular.
furam-na.
e o sangue escorre. gota. a. gota.
acumula-se numa pequena piscina nas covas da minha clavícula.


engulo um braço espírito espinhoso e dói.
barbatanas negras e pontiagudas furam o meu coração.
pequeno buraquinho
por onde o sangue escorre. gota. a. gota.
faz comichão.


um sopro gélido arde sem ritmo.
focos de raiva ácida queimam os túneis de refrigeração.
não há salvação. há salto.
pelo crânio esmagado o sangue escorre. gota. a. gota.
até não haver mais.

Monday, March 28, 2011

Tic Tac (toe?)

The clock is set. The bomb, timed.
Suddenly, the atoms and it's sub-particles are being polite to each other, lifting their tall black hats, Hello Madam, nice to see you, bending its knees in a slight bow, shyly facing the pavement with an innocent smile, Sir. The weather is calm, everyone's doing its part, playing along, like a universal façade.

Their world is timed and they know it. My life is timed and I know it. Play along, You write so well! Fuck you asslicker, that's the answer, but I let out the politically correct, politely wrong Oh thank you... And I'm counting Tic Tac Tic Tac. We're almost there.

I'd go mad if I had to wait for the end of the world. Fuck it. I'm creating mine. And it's almost here.... almost.