the pig strike pit

the light is blinking and he's sleeping and i can't.
my soul's been suck by a dark hole. it's spinning out of control in it, matter gaining speed, loneliness gaining matter.
i'm loosing.
even when i win i loose.
the more i try, the deeper i go, so deep into the guts of darkness it's impossible to open my eyes here.
it's so ugly.
nothing, ever, ever, ever, comes my way. everyone. everything. slowly but surely farther. out of reach. gone.
and i dwell here cause there's nowhere else to go. and everyday is like today and the thought that tomorrow will be the same shit in a different day kills me a little bit. and i don't wanna die but i don't really want to live. this is not living.
no i can't.
change.
the darkness' inside me. consuming me. every minute of every hour of every day of my life. chancing me. let me go. no. why? because i am you. i don't want to. sorry.
not even sorry.
toughen the fuck up, no one said it would be easy. but no one said it'd have to be this hard. they have it so easy. handed to them on a golden platter. why? because you are you. but i really really don't want to.
tough luck. right.
i touch things and it's all dust. it's all made from the dust of shattered dreams. this is not what i signed up for.